October 28, 2014 Tuesday Morning, Geneva Retreat
Instructions for Next Sitting; Review of Element Practice
Instructional Meditation, Watching What Arises with an Open Heart
Aaron: Good morning. My blessings and love to you all. I am Aaron. I’m going to ask you to begin simply by meditating, experienced and newer alike, bringing attention to whatever you are using as a primary object: the breath, nada (sound of silence), spaciousness, luminosity, energy. Our practice is not to hold attention on one object but to allow for a fluidity that moves to whatever is predominant. ( starts very loudly) So if I begin to talk louder (back to normal)—ah, hearing, hearing. Hearing a loud voice. Then I’m back to a normal voice. My loud voice is no longer calling your attention, but there may be some reverberation in the body from it. If so, that is what’s predominant in the moment. Don’t try to force attention back to the breath, but just be with that shakiness in the body.
There’s so much to be learned from your bodies and even from mental agitation. Don’t try to get rid of objects, just notice them and be present with them. When the conditions are present, mental agitation, body agitation or pain will arise. The question is not whether they arise or not but how you habitually relate to them.
One person with a fly buzzing around their head just notes “buzzing, buzzing” and it doesn’t really interfere with the meditation in any way. The next person says, “BUZZING, BUZZING! How am I going to get rid of the fly?” Mind is off and running. “Where did the fly come from? Is there a hole in the screen? I’ll have to patch my screens.” That’s not a very quiet or peaceful meditation, filled with tension in the mind and the body. But as soon as we note, not buzzing, that’s not what’s predominant, but agitated, and feel where that agitation is held in the body, relax with presence to that agitation, “ahhh…” compassion, kindness to the self, then there’s much more spaciousness, ease.
So let’s start. Every few minutes I’m going to come in with a new, very short instruction. For now, simply bringing your attention to whatever you use as a primary object.
(sitting, tape paused)
When an object arises into your experience, a physical sensation, a thought, an emotion, it will be either pleasant, unpleasant, or neutral. It cannot be other than this. If it’s pleasant, can it just be pleasant without grasping? If it’s unpleasant, can it just be unpleasant without a strong feeling of wanting to get rid of it? Be with your bodies now in the next few minutes. You may feel ease—ahhh, a gentle, cool breeze coming in on this body, very pleasant, ahhh. Maybe a sharp pain in the back or the neck, unpleasant. Part of your practice is about the habitual relationship you have with what comes into your life, how you try to hold onto it or try to push it away.
Part of becoming a true elder, walking the path of wisdom and compassion in the world, is learning your own habitual tendencies with the frequent visitors and opening your heart around them; relating to these tendencies in a kinder and more spacious way while still attending appropriately. If this body is sitting here by the window and strong rain starts to come down, blowing in the window on the back, one does not just note “wet, wet, cold, cold,” although, that too. The loving heart then gets up and shuts the window, without stories about it. “Who left the window open? Will I get pneumonia?” In this moment, just wet, cold, close the window, sit back down, return to your primary object, the breath or whatever. So let’s work with this for a few minutes.
Whatever comes up, whatever arises and draws attention from the breath is an important object to be with. One object is no better than another. Without trying to control the experience, just be present with it. This relates to our letting go exercise yesterday. How do we let go? I’ll be quiet for a few minutes while you explore this. Contact, consciousness of the contact, feelings of pleasant, unpleasant, neutral, and any reaction to those feelings in mind or in body. Just noting it, not fixing, just noting.
(sitting, tape paused)
Watch what arises with spaciousness and ease. If it has arisen, it’s because the conditions are present for it to arise. What has arisen is a result of conditions. Trying to fix what arose, to fix this result, just creates added flow of conditions.
I sometimes use the example of a very full bowl of water sitting on a table. You accidentally bump into the table and the water starts to spill out, sloshing over the rim. It’s spilling because of certain conditions. Seeing it sloshing, can you see the impulse to put your hand on the top of the bowl to try to stop the water from spilling? That just adds to the stimulation of the water.
Simply let it settle. The nature of the water is to become still. The nature of the water is also fluidity. So if jostled, it will spill. Allowed to settle, it will still. The mind is the same way. It has fluidity and stillness. When something unpleasant arises in the body and mind and you contract and try to fix it, that just adds to the conditions that are creating the unpleasant result. It goes against all your instincts to just be still and let it be. But this is what we ask of you. And you find that you can do this, can just be present, be a witness to what has arisen without creating more solidity of a self that’s going to fix this, going to fix that. Just let it be.
(sitting, tape paused)
Whatever has arisen, treat it with kindness. Walking down the stairs to the lake, perhaps you see a baby rabbit on the stairs. Ahh! Seeing, seeing. Tiny bunny. Cute. Sweet. Liking! An impulse, wanting to go over and pat it, but you know it’s a wild rabbit and will not permit that. Wanting to help it. It’s so little, climbing these stairs. There is an openhearted love for this creature. All your old conditioning is toward the softness and sweetness of baby bunnies.
Around the next flight you see a long snake, big, black with a pattern on it, maybe 3 feet long, slithering down the stairs. Some of you have old conditioning and will say, “Oh, how lovely! A snake!” But for many of you there will be a recoil. “Snake!” There’s no difference in these creatures, both are beautiful creatures created out of love in this beautiful earth. The difference is in your conditioning.
As you meditate and react with negative recoil to something like body pain or a certain kind of thought, remind yourself, “This is just conditioning. What is this object, really? Can I allow myself to go deep into it, into this unpleasant sensation?” There’s no denying its unpleasantness. I am just present with it. This delightful thought, wanting to drag it out, ahh, that’s just more thought, more ego. Can I just be present with this memory without elaboration? How does the body pain feel in the body? How does the thought feel in the body?
We’ll work with this for about 10, 15 minutes in silence. Be present with what has arisen. As it changes or dissolves, come back to the breath or other primary object. Who wants to fix, wants to control? Don’t try to fix that “who”, either. It’s just the human mammal, old conditioning. Let it be.
(sitting, tape paused)
For many of you who are here with the conscious aging aspect of this workshop, there is a true aspiration to give back to the world, to be of service. This is beautiful. Wanting to model the possibility of moving into a deepened place of wisdom and compassion through your maturation and bring that energy to the world.
But right there, perched on the back of the shelf, as it were, is also perhaps the thought, what can I do to stop this body from deteriorating, this mind from deteriorating? Will I be safe? Who will take care of me? Will I lose control of my world? What will happen to me? And that little voice of fear may say, “Ah, I can learn to age consciously as a way to stop the diminishments of the mind and body.” But no, it will not stop it.
The diminishment of mind and body is like the meditation object we looked at earlier in the sitting,. Either the looking ahead to it or the actual experience of it is unpleasant. You do not have a choice about whether the body and mind will age. You do have a choice how you’re going to relate to it. And that’s why I’m emphasizing this so much. Aging with consciousness and love means, through your practice with the small things like the pain in the knee, finding the ability to relate lovingly to these really inevitable diminishments that come with the aging body.
Each of you has the ability to make this choice. So I’d like you to reflect a few minutes, what is my primary intention? As we discussed last night with the practice of clear comprehension, is it to try to control this aging process so it doesn’t hurt? Or is it more deeply to move into this phase of my life in a way that is truly of benefit to all beings, including myself?
One author has termed it “sage-ing, not aging.” You are all already sages. But you have to know that in yourself and begin to trust it. And again, your meditation practice gives you a chance to find the awakened heart and to choose this as the place for your self identity. Not the aching back or the forgetfulness, or the other mind and body aches and pains. We attend to them lovingly as we close the window when it’s raining. But there’s nothing to fix.
In you has accumulated the wisdom of so many lifetimes. That wisdom is like a radiant light. So many of you tell me you are seeking the light. Be the light you seek. You already are it.
So I’d like you to bring conscious attention to the intentions that most strongly propel you. Sort out the ones that are based truly in love and cherish them. Notice the ones that are based in fear. Just as with the reaction to the big snake. Then let yourself know the part of you that is already safe.
(sitting, tape paused)
So we observe intention as a vital part of our spiritual path. In the Buddhist tradition there is the being known as the bodhisattva, a being who has made the stated intention of service to all beings, even to the degree of willingness to come back into incarnation because there is still suffering on the earth; to deepen in themselves and to help guide other beings out of suffering. It’s interesting that this is in the Buddhist tradition and in many other traditions. In spirit traditions much of what is taught is that service to self is negative polarity; service to others is positive polarity. These are considered to be hallmarks of negative and positive polarity. We can invite ourselves to remember our intention to service to all beings, to liberation from suffering for ourselves and all beings, as our highest intention within clear comprehension.
One statement of the bodhisattva vow– it’s called a vow but I would rather state it as “bodhisattva statement of intention.” If we do not take vows, we cannot break vows. Rather we hold an intention. And that’s enough, that’s all that’s needed.
“All beings, one body, I vow to liberate.” Now, what does that mean? How can I liberate all beings? Well, if you are separate self, you cannot. But when you know your connection with all beings, then as you do this work to liberate yourself from your old negative and painful tendencies, you are also doing it for all beings. It’s not about you. Therefore, to sit here practicing this week is not selfish but is service to all beings. “All beings, one body, I vow to liberate.”
“Endless blind passions I vow to uproot.” We uproot these endless passions that have arisen out of conditions over so many lifetimes, and that still have roots. In this lifetime there is the opportunity to release those roots, to find freedom.
“Dharma gates without number I vow to penetrate.” To truly understand the meanings of non-self, of impermanence, everything arising out of conditions and passing away. Not me or mine. To truly understand that and bring it into your life.
“The great way of awakening I vow to attain.” I notice the traditional statement has the word vow. You can substitute the word “intend.” “The great way of awakening I intend to attain.” However you want to say it. I think that remembering this statement could be helpful for you. Say it with me:
All beings, one body, I intend to liberate.
Endless blind passions I intend to uproot.
Dharma gates without number I intend to penetrate.
The great way of awakening I intend to attain.
(bell, bell, bell)