February 20, 2018 Tuesday Evening, Path of Clear Light Class
S.I.N. — Sinking Into Negativity
Barbara: I’ve been talking about the Casa, and now I’m talking about the experience of light and non-contraction at the Casa… (Aaron asks Barbara to speak briefly on this before he comes in.)
At Christmas time Jeshua incorporated, and he used the acronym S.I.N.— Sinking Into Negativity. We think of it as sin, but in his mind what sin is “sinking into negativity”. Mind is spinning around into a place of fear, of anger, “How do I fix this?” or “I must be doing something wrong.” We all do this. So, I was watching myself through these 4 weeks down there. The Entity said, “I am taking care of the skin cancer.” But then, two weeks later, “Well, how is the cancer? Did they fix it?” Fear! Grasping!
Come back into the light. Aaron and other spirit kept talking to me about, when I contract that way and close the energy meridians, close the chakras, then the body can’t heal because the body is shut down, there’s no energy flow, whether it’s the face and the skin cancer or the damaged back. Using mindfulness, I come back. “Ahhh… I choose not to sink into negativity.”
Jeshua was speaking yesterday to M…I was not fully there, but he said he wants to give a workshop with Aaron on, he said laughingly we could call it “Go forth and SIN No More!”. He noted we will not call it that, but we may wish to become aware of how we sink into negativity, and maybe this habit is not appropriate for us. I was lying in bed every week after surgery for 24 to 36 hours and spirit reminding me: let go of all the negative stories. “It won’t heal.” “What are they doing? Why isn’t it better?” Especially after they did the surgery on my back and for 48 hours I was in some pain. Well, this is not unusual; I just had back surgery. But, “Oh no! They did work on my back— it hurts!” Aaron said, “You just had back surgery. Just lie there and go back to sleep. Let them work.”
Aaron suggested this as somewhat of a focus for the class this semester, to watch the places, for each of us, different places, around emotions, body pain, relationships, work, whatever it’s about, to watch the way we shut down, the way we sink into negativity. And to find right there with these stories the One Who Knows. There’s a beautiful book by Ajahn Chah, a very highly respected monk, in which he talks about “the One Who Knows”. (‘poo roo’ in Thai)
One who wishes to reach the Buddha-Dhamma must firstly be one who has faith or confidence as a foundation. We must understand the meaning of Buddha-Dhamma as follows:
Buddha: the One-Who-Knows (poo too), the one who has purity, radiance and peace in the heart.
Dhamma: the characteristics of purity, radiance and peace which arise from morality, concentration and wisdom.
Therefore, one how is to reach the Buddha-Dhamma is one who cultivates and develops morality, concentration and wisdom within themselves.
~ Ajahn Chah, Fragments of a Teaching in Food for the Heart pp. 43–4
Finding this One Who Knows within ourselves, this part of us that is so clear and awake and loving, right there with the confused human. And not to try to boot out the confused human, but to tenderly love the confused human and just say, “Shh! No stories. We don’t need a repetition of how you’ve been hurt and betrayed and wounded, not loved enough and not respected enough, etc. Shh!” The One Who Knows, the one who really knows us as love, as loving and Love, how do we invite that part of ourselves forward; how do we live from that part of ourselves that’s really capable to be loving.
So, basically along with vipassana. This is part of the book, this is where we’ll be going with the class.
Beyond our bodies here, who are we? We’re not our minds, we’re not our bodies. What remains? Slowly we get to know the essence of ourselves, this radiance essence of love that we are that has nothing to do with the physical characteristics. Whether we have incarnated just once and that’s all, or whether we have incarnated many times, is irrelevant. Beyond this human incarnation there’s some core, some essence of being— what I just mentioned, Ajahn Chah’s the One Who Knows. Who is the One Who Knows within you? How do you access it?
Aaron gives me confidence that there is a One Who Knows within me because Aaron has so much wisdom. So I can start to trust that’s who I am too, but I haven’t been able to reach through the heavy veil of human experience yet to reach that One Who Knows. Does that make some sort of sense to you? I don’t want to take class time more to talk about it, but I’ll be glad to talk more privately with you about it…
(Conversation with an individual in class from Iran.)
Aaron is going to talk, and then we’re going to spend some time with meditation.
Aaron: My blessings and love to you all. I am Aaron. (speaking to the new people) If you simply see me as Barbara, that’s fine, no problem. You do not have to believe I am real. These are words. If the words are helpful to you, use them; if not, release them.
In Brazil, we emphasized to Barbara the value of grounding in the natural light of your being.
My frequent phrasing, that which is aware of anger is not angry. That which is aware of fear is not afraid. What do I mean by that? Right there with anger is that which is not angry. You have a choice: to focus increasingly on building up the anger, which seems to give you some kind of power or energy, or returning your attention into that which is not angry; opening your heart to this human who feels anger without holding on to the anger.
The same is true with any emotion. Fear, greed, judging mind, frustration, pride— that which is aware of pride is not proud. This aware mind notes that the emotion has arisen in the mind and body, takes care of it without getting caught in its stories, without believing in the stories, but is willing to just let the emotion sit there until it dissolves. Unfed, it dissolves faster. . “Shh, sit by my fire, have tea. But shh, I’m not going to listen to your stories.” Is there anybody here who doesn’t get caught in certain stories? (someone points to Aaron and says ‘you’) Well, I don’t! But I am a bit different there, because I moved through an awakening experience that released any self-identification with ego and body. But in countless human lifetimes I became very caught in stories. So, I’m here to demonstrate: this can be done. If I can do it, you can do it. It’s as simple as that. This is why you’re here. You’re here to wake up. Here in this lifetime, here in this class. To wake up to the deeper truth of who you are, and to find very gradually ways of living that deeper truth.
Think of some situation in the past week in which strong anger arose. Can you think about it and find a situation? Anybody here who has not been angry this week? Okay. Holding that other person or situation in your mind, I’d like you to step outside the chain of thoughts and find, looking at this person, that this person is also suffering. This person who seemed to attack you, who said angry or nasty words to you, who did not fully appreciate your feelings, tried to push you away— this person is also suffering. Find the compassionate heart right here.
Breathing in, I am aware of (the person in your mind), of your suffering.
Breathing out, I hold space for your suffering.
Breathing in, I am aware of my suffering.
Breathing out, I hold space for my suffering. Your suffering and my suffering, the same.
This does not mean I let you run over me and hurt me. But anger does not need to say no. We start to find the power of compassion in ourselves that is capable to say no.
This is Step 1, and a lot of the focus of the class is learning how we can use our meditation practice literally to do this, to become more openheartedly responsive to painful catalyst. How we can say no to that painful catalyst from a place of love.
There is a practice we have introduced in past years, “Vision is Mind” that I will ask Barbara to paste onto the end of the transcript. I would like you to practice withs the beginning of Vision is Mind too.
We could stop there; that would be enough. But I want you to understand more about why you are doing these practices. On the one hand, yes, you’re doing it because the old way hasn’t worked. You keep going back to sinking into negativity, into darkness; getting pulled into places that are so painful that you are tearing your hair out and don’t know what to do.
So perhaps that’s all you need, to know, “My old way hasn’t worked.” But there’s more that’s important to me, and I think it’s important to many of you. Your whole universe and your Earth are going through a transition into higher vibration, moving from fear and contraction into spaciousness and love. You can be part of that transition and support it, or not. If you simply meditate and think no further of it but watch when anger and fear and pain arise in you and take care of it with kindness, already you are supporting this transition into light, perhaps not yet consciously.
Consciously or not, you are all warriors of the light, warriors of love. Many of you heard the term “bodhisattva vow”? The bodhisattva is any being who says, “My intention is deep service to all beings, to help bring forth more love and more light in the world, to ease suffering. I hold the intention to do that even if it means putting myself in the way of that which is hurtful.” Thus, the bodhisattva, who is intent on helping to alleviate suffering in the world, is not afraid to stand in front of somebody who is raging, and say, “No.” This person is trying to hit that person with a stick. “No, you may not do that.” This person is telling lies about that person, maybe not physically assaulting but saying terrible things about that person. “No, you may not speak such lies.” Person A at work telling everybody how terrible Person B is. The bodhisattva doesn’t listen and say, “Well, I think you’re right; Person B is a nasty person.” You may feel in your heart that B is a nasty person at times, filled with anger. You may understand why A is so angry. And yet, the bodhisattva is willing to stand up and say, “No, you may not talk so negatively about someone else. To do so is just enlarging the pain.”
My point here is you are all bodhisattvas, conscious or unconscious. Otherwise you wouldn’t be here in the meditation class. You are all here because you want to find a way to live with more love, more kindness, more wisdom, and to encourage others to do the same, even just by modeling that kindness in your choices. In doing so you are helping to bring the world into a place of more light. Your world sorely needs this light. We have shooters killing school children. We won’t name such politicians, but we have politicians breaking up families and sending people back to countries that they can barely remember. We have elected representatives passing laws that are hurtful to people, sometimes out of belief, but other times because they, themselves, personally benefit by that vote.
The saying ‘no’ to these people has to come from a place of love or it’s just more negativity. So, as you develop the ability to live your own personal lives with more kindness and clarity you also find ways not to hate the shooter or the politician, but to be able to talk, maybe not specifically to the shooter or that politician but to their generic equivalents, with kindness. How do we say no to governmental policies that are truly harmful to people?
This is a country with the guiding words so beautifully phrased, “Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free.” What has happened to that idea? If America is to become great again it needs to be the place where people are welcomed, loved and respected.
If all the money planned to be used for building fences could go into building reception centers where people from all of the world would be welcomed, taught English, taught a livelihood, given the home and food they need while they learn, given the foundation they need to go out and earn a good living, then think how much crime could be eliminated. And an organization like your Peace Corp could run such centers, inspiring the young and old both. Then you’re truly back to “Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free.” If this is your dream, how do you say no to the fear-based negative belief, “If they come in, they’ll do harm.”?
A heartbreaking story. A man or woman, I don’t remember which, who has lived here for 20 years, had a good job, had 3 children, born and raised here, but did not have the proper paperwork, was just sent back to Mexico. This, I think this was a woman, left Mexico when she was a young teenager and has not lived there since, maybe 30 years. She owns a home, she employs people in her business. “You went through a stop sign. Whoops, you don’t have the proper paperwork— back to Mexico!” And her children, some of them still teenagers, are heartbroken. They’re American citizens, they were born here. They may stay, but lose their mother!
How do we end this cycle of fear? I’m talking in the larger term, but it’s the same thing whether it’s on a large political spectrum or your own personal relationship with somebody who has been negative and hurt you, and with whom there is a constant relationship. (pushing arms demonstration) ….
…So, I can keep pushing him, or let him keep pushing me as long as he wants to. For me, it is effortless. Eventually he’ll exhaust himself. When he stops pushing, I can say, “Can we talk about this now?”
How do you do this in your personal lives— with your families, your co-workers, the neighbor who constantly irritates you— how do you do this in your lives? You all have these things that push at you.
All I’m asking you to do tonight is to remember that you are not just doing this practice for yourself but literally for all beings. Each time you notice the awakening of fear and anger in yourself and remember; this arose out of conditions, but I do not have to react to it and get caught up in the story, to sink into negativity. I can breathe and have compassion for myself, that this same catalyst keeps hitting me with so much pain. I can hold love for myself, and I can begin to explore how this story is constantly working in my life. Maybe I’m ready to finally let it go.
In Path of Clear Light, I bring up a number of practices, and we’ll go deeper beyond the book, certain practices like… (laughing) He’s still pushing me. Thank you, thank you, teacher. Each time you push me it brings up the urge to push back. Thank you… thank you… thank you… thank you. Eventually he’s going to stop pushing…
These things can be so strong in your life that you forget how they started. You don’t have to investigate psychologically and figure out how they started, only right here it stops. Right here I have the power not to get caught in these negative stories. And then each time the negativity arises, “Thank you, teacher. Thank you, teacher.” That simple movement, hands with palms together at the heart. “Thank you, teacher.” It’s almost impossible to contract your energy when you say thank you in that way. Can you feel that? “Thank you, thank you.” The energy opens. Then the push comes again and back comes the negativity. “Ah, here it is again. Thank you.” We learn patience. We keep repeating it until we’re ready to let it go. But because you have the loving intention to live without hatred, you can learn to live without hatred. You can learn to live without fear. You can learn to stop sinking into negativity.
Let me stop and ask if there are any specific questions for me, and if not we’re going to move into the rest of the class, do some meditation, talk some about vipassana. Any questions for me about what I have said? (No.)
I’m going to release the body to Barbara and let’s do some meditation practice.
Barbara: Please give some attention to some unwelcome visitor— recurrent body pain, mind agitated about something…. Somebody wrote to me the other day saying, “Taxes! Taxes!” Whatever is grabbing hold of you, maybe something going on at work or something going on in your family. Watch how you habitually handle that kind of visitor. “Get out of here!” or “Oh! You’re overwhelming me!” Fear. Watch how you habitually handle it. It can be an emotion like shame or sadness. It can be frustration or just mind spinning, …planning, planning. Ask yourself, how can you come back to that ‘thank you’? Remember this has come as a guest to remind you that you can be more openhearted. The old way of handling such an experience has not worked. What’s possible? How else can you relate to it? Can there be compassion for the human experiencing this kind of emotional or physical or mental pain?
If it comes as a visitor into your meditation, … you’ve been feeling calm, and you sit, and as soon as you close your eyes to meditate, mind starts thinking, “Taxes. I have 6 weeks, I have to get it done! I haven’t started!” Agitation. Or a thought, “(person) was angry at me and I was angry back, and yelled. I should have handled it better. I should be ashamed of myself. What’s wrong with me?” “Thank you.” Not thank you for the agitation but thank you for the chance to work with this experience in a whole different way; not to get so caught up in the story, not to sink into negativity. Not to run with the story of, “Oh, what’s wrong with me?”
See if you can find right there with the agitation that which is not agitated. Right there with the feeling of sadness, that which is not sad. Right there with fear, that which is not afraid. Right there with body pain, notice somewhere in the body where there is no pain. Opening. Literally breathe in, open to spaciousness. Knowing, as Dan reminded us, the intention: it is not my intention to keep waging war in my life. It’s my intention to soften and bring more kindness into my life, more clarity, more wisdom, more love. What may support that intention?
Try to do at least 15 minutes silent sitting every day, working with vipassana. So when I say silent sitting, not playing music and day-dreaming, but meditating with presence, doing this insight meditation practice, with your primary object, aware of what has arisen and how you habitually relate to it, and what possibilities there are. How you can relate to this recurrent object with a little bit more spaciousness and kindness. Just that.
If you’re already sitting for 15 minutes a day, stretch it out to half an hour. If you’re already sitting for half an hour a day, expand that if you can. But if life is very busy, let yourself off the hook. Don’t say, “I should meditate for an hour a day.” Relax. Kindness is the name of the game. Kindness, but strong clear intention. “I choose to live with more wisdom and more kindness. I invite the practices that will support this.”
If there’s a lot of sadness and pain, put the vipassana aside for the day and just work with loving kindness meditation. What does it feel like literally to offer yourself kind wishes and well-being?
So that’s about it. Anything you want to add, Dan?
Dan: The thought comes to mind that if you can meditate for a half an hour, I hope that that’s in the morning. That’s a really good time to do it. I have found the past few months that meditating twice a day is an enormously powerful thing. And meditating just as you’re about to go to bed, even for 5 or 10 minutes. If your primary sitting is a half an hour, try meditating before you go to bed a second time for 5 or 10 minutes. You may consciously decide to do something other than vipassana. So, you might do vipassana in the morning and lovingkindness in the evening. It dramatically— it has increased my sleep, it’s changed the character of my sleep, and it’s changed the character of my vipassana practice in the morning dramatically also. So, try that. It tends to liven things up. Sometimes you need to stir things up a little bit.