April 1, 2020 Wednesday Evening, Awakened Heart Class
Inviting the Awakened Heart Through Our Fear; Being on the Sambhogakaya Bridge; Communicating with Coronavirus
Barbara: Good evening to everybody, happy to have you with us tonight. Some of you are in the Awakened Heart class; some of you are guests tonight. Awakened Heart has been a year-long class since last September, based on Aaron’s book of 20 and more years ago, Awakened Heart. Last fall he said it’s time to revisit this book. So, we’ve been going through it chapter by chapter. In each class, he has not intended to simply read from the book—the book is available freely for anybody to read—but rather to comment on the book, bringing it into the present moment.
There is much anxiety for so many people today, and people have found it helpful to gather in this way to hear Aaron, and just to have a chance to come together. So, those within Awakened Heart class and those not, you are all welcome. We’ll see how many people are still on in an hour and decide whether the discussion after will be just for the class, or whether it will be open to everybody.
That said, I’m going to get out of Aaron’s way and let him come through.
Aaron: My blessings and love to you all. I am Aaron. To the Awakened Heart class, thank you for your willingness to share this hour with others.
So many of you are experiencing enormous stress, fear, sadness, anxiety. Barbara received word today that two brothers-in-law of a friend of Hal’s, both died this week from the coronavirus. Not just one, but both. And their children are all sick. Scary times.
Barbara described her feeling of being in a riptide, being pulled steadily out to sea despite the fact that she’s a good swimmer. She knows not to try to fight to get closer to shore, just to swim parallel to the tide. She’s staying afloat, but she keeps finding herself pushed further and further and further from the shore, and she’s grasping for the shore. Does it sound familiar?
There’s a beautiful dharma story. A man is running from wolves. He gets to the edge of a cliff and the wolves are close behind him. But there’s a strong vine growing down the face of the cliff, and he’s a strong man, so he begins to climb down the vine. He gets halfway down, looks and sees that there’s a pack of wolves beneath him, also. He thinks to himself, “Okay, I will just stay right here in the middle until the wolves go away.” He has a little place with a foothold; he rests there. And then little mice come in and begin to nibble on the vine. What does one do? Right there where he was, he noticed growing on the side of the cliff, a large bundle of blueberries, so he began to eat the blueberries. You can’t go up; you can’t go down. But always there will be some blueberries, or perhaps flowers to smell. Or what have you found when you can’t go up and you can’t go down? Just stopping in this moment. What is the power and beauty of this moment?
Friends have reported to me that, for the first time in years, they have time to go for a walk, to meditate in the morning, to be home with their family. To read books; to write in their journal. To talk on the phone with friends with whom there had not been time to talk. The blueberries of this moment—delicious. We are not denying the wolves above or below, but right there with the wolves is the beauty of the moment.
Another way of speaking about this: when the conditions are present, fear will arise. When the conditions are present, grief will arise, anger will arise, confusion, feelings of helplessness, even despair, may arise. That which is aware of anger is not angry, it’s enjoying itself, eating blueberries. There is no denial of the emotion, here, no denial of sadness or whatever may have arisen. But one is given a choice. Through your practice you can learn to stay centered, watching the fear, the anger, the sadness with no denial of these. But also remembering there is much to be thankful for, right here in this moment.
Barbara walked around her backyard this afternoon. The grass is just starting to turn green. Bulbs are coming up in great profusion in her garden, just the green leaves and crocus flowers. The sky is blue; the air is no longer filled with winter frost. There is much to be thankful for. Yes, as she related to you, people—not people she knows, but people—are dying. We grieve with the families. We hold them in our hearts with love. But because a lot of people are following the protocols, there are many who will not die. Thank you, thank you.
Furthermore, I see throughout your country and throughout the world a subtle shift from “me”—fixing things for me, grabbing things for me, to deep concern and caring for one another. A kindness that we have not seen in this world in a long time.
I see the possibility that the gifts of this virus, which by no means free us from the sorrows, but the gifts of this virus may lead to a very changed world, changed in many positive ways, as people begin to connect to their loving hearts and to take care of each other.
People are doing little things to take care. Last night in class, somebody held up a can of flavored sparkling water, and Barbara looked at that and said, “Oh, I miss that! We’ve run out.” Somebody in her class showed up on her porch today with 4 or 5 12-packs of different flavors of the sparkling water—a gift, and two chocolate bars along with it. Generosity, kindness.
A few days ago, she was trying to find groceries, and the stores that are said to deliver had no delivery times for days on end. So she noted on the local Next Door neighborhood, “Has anybody found a place that delivers groceries?” And immediately a neighbor she does not know said, “I’m going to the store today. I called them and they will take phone orders, and you can pay by phone. I’d be glad to bring your groceries to your house.” A few hours later, two big milk cartons filled with groceries appeared on her doorstep. Kindness. This is so beautiful. It moves me so much that people are seeing beyond “what’s good for me” to “what serves us”. The importance of taking care of us, all of us together.
A very generous student in China contacted Barbara and Tana, the Deep Spring managing director, and said, “I have access to masks. I can send them to you freely. I’ll raise money for the purchase and shipping. Where do you need them sent?” And now they are being sent to several physicians in Seattle, in Chicago, here in Ann Arbor. They’re being sent to Spain, where they have very strong need, through a Deep Spring student in Spain. People taking care of each other. Thank you, thank you.
So, right now, as you’re reflecting on the places of fear and sadness within you, the strong anxiety, I would like to ask each of you to think of something beautiful that has come into your world in the past day or two, and just pause and say, “Thank you.” Let’s pause here for about 2 minutes and give each of you a chance to reflect, what is it you wish to say thank you for?
“Thank you.” Does it ease the anxiety a bit? Bring the hands together, literally, to bring that energy together. “Thank you.” You’re not saying thank you to the virus. The virus did not come with an intention to teach you anything. YOU hold the intention to use whatever catalyst is given as a means of healing and growth. You say thank you for the blueberries. You say thank you for the love and generosity. You say thank you for the people painting beautiful drawings on their living room windows so passersby may see them. For the people sitting out on their front porch playing instruments, playing concerts for their neighbors across the way.
“Thank you for the wonderful love this world holds, which we had forgotten. We choose to remember it and to hold it dear to us so that when this situation has passed, we do not slip into the old pattern of self-centeredness and such extreme busy-ness that there’s no time to think.”
I’ve quoted these lines from a sonnet by William Wordsworth (“The World is Too Much With Us”) a few times in the past weeks. I love this sentence:
The world is too much with us; late and soon,
Getting and spending, we lay waste our powers;—
Little we see in Nature that is ours;
Tomorrow please go outside, if you are able—that is, if you live in a place where you can safely walk outside—and see if you can find some spring flowers growing. Just stop and say thank you to the flowers. “Thank you for the love. Thank you for the deep commitment of beings everywhere who are striving to awaken, and are practicing so as not to become totally caught in fear.”
One of Barbara’s sons, who lives in upstate New York, about 200 miles from New York City—I see myself touching the face. This is an aside: have you noticed how much your nose or forehead itches these days? Hands off! Hands off! Barbara had found a little back scratcher rake. She said, “Aaron, if I keep this clean with the spray, can I gently scratch my face with it?” (laughing)
One of Barbara’s sons is visiting from upstate New York, about 200 miles north of New York City. Very little virus where he is, so he got in his car and drove 12 hours through the night last night. Arrived I think at 4am to spend 3 days here, to help with Hal’
S Medicaid insurance application, and then he must go home to his wife and children again. She was so moved that he would do this. Of course, he would; he loves her, he loves Hal. But it’s a long way to go for 3 days and then drive back.
There is so much love. Please open your hearts enough to feel that love, to allow it into yourself, and to share it out with others.
Mike said to Barbara this afternoon, “You’re getting caught up in little details. I only have 3 days; we need to look at the big things.” This is, how money is going to be raised for Hal to be at home. In the nursing home, Medicaid paid all his expenses—not all. The money Barbara had, went toward therapy and other supports, a few hours a day of a care team to help him do his exercises and such. But now he’s home. Tomorrow he will be officially discharged from the nursing home, which means all of his care for now is in her hands. It means she has to pay for 24/7 care—a lot of money, over $10,000/ month. This is more money than she has, more money than she can maintain for any great length of time. This was all supposed to be worked out for fall homecoming, all the details, so that whatever social services would be available would be in place, and some kind of social service-paid daycare center where he would go during the day. By the time they were going to bring him home this fall, this was all going to be worked out. But one cannot wait. His nursing home has the virus in it. It didn’t when they pulled him out 2 weeks ago, but it does now.
So, Mike said to Barbara, “You’re running in circles and focusing on small stuff, and we need to work out how we’re going to keep Dad safe and home.” She thought about it a bit, and saw how overwhelmed she felt. Being washed out to sea with the riptide, and Hal floating on an inner tube beside her. How does one do this?
I don’t know all of your situations. I see at least one of you on the screen here who has a business that serves others and is currently not able to do that, will go bankrupt unless she has some other plan. I trust she will not go bankrupt, that everything will work out. But here’s another human being pulled out to sea with the riptide. Choosing to keep the heart open. I’m sure there are more of you in this situation.
So, Barbara was playing with details because she could figure out the details. She had said to Mike, “Dad is sleeping in the living room now so, other than my desk chair, I have no chair in the house where I can sit and relax and read a book. I need to bring a living room chair out to my office.” He said, “Why are you worrying about details?” She said, “Because it’s the only thing I can feel in control of.”
But of course, you have a lot you can be in control of, especially for those of you who are practicing in Awakened Heart class and Dharma Path class and others. You can be aware of whether your heart is closed. And when it is closed, mindfulness can note that it’s closed. You can ask with great gentleness, what is my highest purpose here? Is it to hold some illusion of safety and try to constantly push little things around to maintain such illusion? Or is it simply to come back home and remember the one who is always safe right here with the one who is afraid? The one who can say thank you even as she hangs from a vine on the edge of a cliff. The one who can find so much to be grateful for.
Sometimes it’s so terrifying that you move into the old patterns, as Barbara was doing. She knew she was doing it, too. But she still needed someplace where she could feel a little bit in control. I said to her, “How about if you feel in control 5 minutes out of the hour, and allow yourself to just hang on the vine 55 minutes of the hour? Just go into that place and feel safe for 5 minutes, and then come back out.” She said, “I’ll try.” And that’s all we can ask, “I’ll try.”
There is nothing you can be sure of, ever. There are earthquakes, tornadoes, hurricanes and landslides. There are train crashes. Well, less people traveling on trains and planes right now; you can be reasonably sure you’re not going to die in a plane crash in the next 3 months. Thank you! You can reasonably sure your loved ones also will not die in a plane crash in the next 3 months.
Life is uncertain. Here we’re going into some of the wisdom teachings from the chapter. Everything arises out of conditions and ceases when the conditions cease. When the conditions are present, something will arise, and it will not cease until the conditions cease. You do have a say about those conditions. As you tend to your own heart, to your own consciousness, with love, it will bring forth different arising than when you cannot tend to those conditions with love but become mired in fear.
From the ground of fear, contraction, and separation, unwholesome conditions will arise. From the ground of loving kindness and intention to do no harm to oneself or any being, to hold everything in as much love as possible, and to know one’s capacity to do that, wholesome conditions can arise.
You can never get rid of the unwholesome by coming after it with a stick, trying to chase it away. “Hatred never resolves hatred.”—famous words from the Dhammapada. “Hatred never resolves hatred. Only love resolves hatred.”
And then we come to the question: how do we invite love through so much fear. I’ve been speaking of the power of gratitude, but I also want to speak of the power of wisdom. The virus arose out of conditions and will pass when the conditions pass. Fear, likewise, and feelings of helplessness. Those conditions cannot last forever. It’s also comforting to recognize that everything in the conditioned realm is impermanent. Sometimes people find that a frightening teaching. “Does that mean I will die?” Yes, of course you will die; everyone will die. But probably not today. Not this week.
Taking birth is a death sentence. Think about that. A much beloved Buddhist teacher, Ajahn Chah, was given a very beautiful bone china English teacup. He lived in a monastery, a very simple life. But he insisted when his tea was served, he wanted it to be served in that beautiful teacup. People asked him, “Aren’t you afraid that you will break it, or that it will get broken being washed, or fall on the floor?” He looked at the cup lovingly. He said, “When I see this cup, I see the beauty in it, but I also see it is already broken. It’s a conditioned object. It is impermanent. It’s already broken. And so, I can use it without fear because I know it’s already broken.” Whether it lasts for a minute or a week or a year or 10 years, it’s already broken. But how can I appreciate it if I’m constantly afraid? If I pack it in a box and put it away on a shelf? Or if I use it with fear, “What if I break it? What if I break it?” A thing of beauty.
Can you see this? (holding up a beautiful piece of blown glass) See all the convolutions within the glass. Cleaning up her office, Barbara found this on a shelf and realized she had put it there years ago. She’s had it for 20 years, 30 years. When her children were young it was given to her as a gift, and, afraid that 3 growing boys would break it, she put it up high on a shelf. And there it sat, out of sight on a high bookshelf for 30 years. Dusted occasionally, but she doesn’t use a ladder, so she didn’t really see what was up there. She brought it down and said, “Now this needs to sit on my desk. If it breaks tomorrow, it breaks tomorrow. Not a problem. For now I will treasure it. I will enjoy the very special beauty of it.”
What needs to come out from a high bookshelf and be held in your hands and your hearts? What are you trying to protect out of fear that it may die or break? How can you love yourselves and your beloved ones if you are constantly afraid, “They could die tomorrow. They could die tomorrow.” Can you feel the way that contracts the heart?
Everything in the conditioned realm is impermanent and subject to dissolution. Some of this is in the chapter; some not in such detail. Let’s go to the other end. There is the Unconditioned, the Unborn, Undying, Unchanging. This is the awakened heart, and it is within you and within me, in all of us, this awakened heart. It is such a beautiful resting place. Have you found it yet? You may not be stable resting there, but have you touched on this precious, precious awakened heart? This is the deepest truth of who you are. It can never be destroyed.
Now we come to a teaching familiar to those in the Dharma Path class. Please forgive the repetition you’ll hear for a few minutes, but the Awakened Heart class does not really know about this yet. In Buddhism, the teaching of the three kayas. Kaya means body. There is nirmanakaya, translated as form body, that which is impermanent. There is Dharmakaya, the awakened heart, the Unconditioned. The heart of love, God, Goddess, Divinity. And this does not arise and cease, it simply is.
The third kaya, sambhogakaya. It’s usually translated as wealth body, wealth as in riches. Why wealth body? It is the bridge. If you think of the nirmanakaya, the relative world of conditions, here (on one side), and the Dharmakaya, the beautiful world of love, of the Divine, here (on the other side), the sambhogakaya is the bridge that is rooted deep into the nirmanakaya and rooted deep into the Dharmakaya, so that as soon as you’re on the bridge you’re touching both.
Some of you have found how easy it is in this time of fear to become stuck in the nirmanakaya and completely lose this one who is awake within, completely lose touch with the heart of love. A few of you—maybe here tonight, maybe not—but some of you have reported to me coming into deep places in your meditation practice of radiance, of love. Everything of the conditioned realm passing away so there is only this awakened presence—bliss. And said to me, “I didn’t want to leave that, Aaron. I could see how I was holding onto it. But I am so scared, and it’s a peaceful resting place.”
For those who are stuck in the nirmanakaya, the world of conditions, it’s time to get yourself up on the bridge a little through your meditation, through practices like gratitude, even practices like service to others, to allow the heart to open and begin to touch that awakened heart within.
For those who may be grasping at holding on to the Dharmakaya, not wanting to become caught up in the world of conditions and its pain, remember your deep intention to be of service, that this is why you have come into the incarnation. Remember who you are and why you are here; back out of the Dharmakaya just a step or two onto the bridge, so you can at least look out and say, “There’s suffering over there. I’ve been trying to avoid it. But I know I must—not get caught in it, no; I must attend to it. So, I choose to stay on the bridge, to stay connected to both.”
This ability to stay connected to both is perhaps the highest of the wisdom teachings. Not to have some vast awakening experience, be enlightened and pass of into Never-Never Land, but to stay connected on this Earth so that you may truly touch the suffering of the Earth and help resolve it.
You all have this capacity, I know you do. Some of you are thinking, “Not me!” Yes, you. You all have this capacity, each to the degree that is possible for you. One of you out there is thinking, “I don’t have this capacity,” but you put out bird food this morning. That was the awakened heart, putting out the bird food. Another one of you called a sick friend; that was the awakened heart. You were willing to touch into that sick friend’s suffering. You who have the heart of love as your essence, you can do this.
So it may be helpful to you to remember these three kayas, and to ask throughout the day—not constantly, but from time to time, where am I? Am I stuck in the world of conditions? Am I grasping for the world of the Unconditioned, the awakened world? Or am I balancing somewhere on the bridge? And how can I invite more stability in that balance? Really able to approach the suffering end of the bridge and reach out. Also, able to take time through the day to meditate and stabilize your presence in the one who is awake.
This is perhaps the most powerful tool. There are other tools that will support it, such as loving kindness meditation, your vipassana practice, and so forth. But holding the intention to stay balanced and more stable on the bridge is the most important, and you can do it.
I find myself talking to different groups these weeks. Sometimes I know I am repeating myself, but this thought bears repeating. The virus is a sentient being with a very low level of consciousness. It is a conditioned thing; it arises out of conditions and will resolve when the conditions are past. There are numerous conditions, some of which you are not able to touch or change. But it’s important to remember that the virus—let me phrase this carefully. I like the metaphor of Teflon and Velcro. When something is Teflon, everything just slides off of it. When it’s Velcro, everything latches on. When you hold yourself with a lot of fear in a very contracted place, you are creating little sticky fingers all over yourself. I’m not suggesting that your fear will draw the virus to you. You have to be exposed to it. It’s not going to come to you from two miles away, saying, “Oh, I see somebody over there we can stick to.” But if you do come in contact with the virus and you have a very contracted energy field, no energy flowing through the chakras, a lot of fear, creating Velcro conditions, you’re giving the virus something to hold onto. If you are exposed to the virus and your energy field is open with high vibration, not only can the virus not stick to it but literally high vibration will destroy the virus, or at least strongly repulse it.
Don’t move into fear, here, and say, “I don’t know how to do that, Aaron!” You do know how to do it. Think of that flower, or kind words, or whatever came to you today, and say, “Thank you.” We’re back full circle. Can you feel how your energy field opens with that “Thank you” bringing you back into the loving heart? You can do it.
Also, please remember that the virus is a parasite. It has a very low level of intelligence. It simply seeks to survive—not to destroy but to survive. When it attaches to a living thing, it draws from that living thing and is able to survive for a while. It doesn’t have the intelligence to understand that if it kills the host, it itself will die.
I would highly suggest to you something positive you can do is to meditate with loving kindness meditation with the virus. Tell it that you do not hate it, that you wish it well-being as you wish to every living thing. But that if it grabs hold and destroys its hosts—not only your loved ones but any in the world—it will destroy itself. On the ultimate level, if it killed everybody on the Earth, then it would die completely. Remind it of the importance to release, to draw what minimal energy will allow it to survive and move on, for the highest good of itself and those to whom it attaches. Speak to it with kindness and help it to understand.
As I said, it has a low level of intelligence. It cannot understand your words, but it can understand energy. It can understand hatred, and it can understand kindness. When it trusts that you don’t mean to destroy it, it can back off a bit from that tenacious grasp that it presently has on the world. Then we’ll see where we go from there. But for now, we just want it to back up.
The virus is not responsible for what you are now offered to learn. The virus is just a catalyst for that learning. But so far with the many catalysts you have had in recent decades, you still haven’t learned. Are you ready to learn that this is not only one world with a great variety of sentient beings, but within one galaxy, and within one universe. None can flourish and live in joy and peace while others suffer.
This is hard step for every developing race on any planet in any galaxy, to shift from the “me” to the “us”. This is the next step in the raising of consciousness. We truly are all one, and the prayer then is: May all beings be free of suffering. May all beings, even coronavirus, all beings, be happy and have peace. And, right along side of that, “No, you may not destroy,” said with clear heart. “No.” Said the way you’d say it to a puppy who is chewing on your shoelaces. “No. No.” Clear, kind, firm, loving.
So here, my dear ones, are some things you might practice.
I’m going to give the body back to Barbara. My love is very deeply with all of you. I know you can do this. You’ve been practicing for this time for many lifetimes. You are ready. You may not believe you are ready, but you are ready. “All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well.”
I love you all. May you be well and happy.