Father John on Darshan; Morning Instruction: Dependent Origination, also Citta and Access Concentration

April 20, 2020 Monday Morning, Emerald Isle Retreat

Father John on Darshan; Morning Instruction: Dependent Origination, also Citta and Access Concentration

(over Zoom)

Barbara: Good morning. It’s a beautiful morning, here in Michigan. I hope it is where you are. A few minutes of logistics before I start the main instruction. You’ll note that on the schedule, 3-5pm, it says “Optional afternoon circle with teachers or darshan with the Mother.” Most of you have had live darshan with the Mother and understand what that is. For some of you, it’s new.

The Mother is one of the entities that incorporates in my body. Darshan is just spiritual sharing, she connecting with you energetically and you with her. The Mother tells us she’s a combination of many expressions of the Divine Mother—Kwan Yin, Mother Mary, and other expressions of the Divine Mother. Most people feel her energy very strongly; some don’t. It’s fine either way. At 3pm we’re going to do this darshan. Normally live; people come up to her one at a time, look in her eyes and hold her hands, and there’s a strong transfer of energy.

(description of the darshan process over Zoom)

She will offer her love. She may say a few things, or say nothing. There will be whatever transfer of energy, and simply looking in her eyes and feeling her love… We’re going to trust that this will work. This is optional…

She is saying, not incorporated now, just speaking through me, she is saying, “I can be in many places at once. If you keep your pictures open, I will be with the person whose picture is big on the screen, and also with others of you from time to time. So you may feel my energy coming and going, if you sit there for that hour…”

You can wear whatever you want. She says, often in darshan she suggests people wear white because many other entities, the Brothers and Sisters of Light, healing entities, and so forth, will come in and work with you for physical and emotional and spiritual healing at your request, if you ask for help. They can see your energy fields best when you’re wearing white or light-colored clothing. Stripes and polka dots confuse your energy field. But it’s up to you. You may request help from other entities, you may not. Just a moment, someone else wants to speak…

Father John: Thank you. I am the one you have called Father John. My skill is in healing. As you sit with the darshan meditating, if there are physical body concerns, reach them out to me. You are all here, gathered in the circle. Barbara will have her screen on so that—the Mother says the person speaking will be large. No matter; I can feel your energy there whether I can see you or not. Just reach out to me and ask specifically for the help you need. Not just, “Help me.” Although, I’ll try to help, if you do that. But if you say, “I have deep pain in my back,” or continued sore throat, or ongoing concern about this or that in the body, think it. Be as specific as you can, and then sit back and allow me to come in and work with you. I may work quite deep, with your permission. It may be that you are tired afterward. That’s okay—then go and rest.

There are other entities; Brother Kindness—Father Kindness; Father, Brother—Aaron, what do they call him? Father Kindness, Father John, each of us working with you. Father Kindness working more with karma. Ask for the help you need during the darshan. So, it is not just the Mother but many of us participating.

Wearing light-colored clothing, as Barbara said, helps us better to see your energy field. It is helpful; it is not necessary. We will do what we can. Are there any questions for me?

(question not recorded) Let me give you back to Barbara for that—that kind of question is not my strong point! I’ll release the body to Barbara.

Barbara: … He says all you need to do is hold the intention and ask for help, and then be willing to receive, be open to receiving energetically. He says to each of you: state your intention, that the help you ask for is for your own highest good and that of all beings. This is for self-protection; you do not simply open yourself without challenging whatever may come. They will be protecting you, but also, you must state your intention. “I ask for help to heal this or that—matters of the body, matters of the heart, for my highest good and the highest good of all beings.” And then trust you will receive what you need. He’s speaking through me, here. Thank you, Father John.

Are there any questions, then, about the darshan?

(Zoom darshan logistics)

Barbara: Good morning. It’s a beautiful morning, here in Michigan. I hope it is where you are. Aaron spoke yesterday about working with the primary object and predominant object, and a bit about dependent origination. To be present with whatever is predominant in our experience, with as much love and open heart as is possible.

Basically, the image that comes to my mind is how we do this. Aaron gave me an image long, long ago. At that point I was a mother with young children. He asked me to imagine myself in the kitchen cooking food in a pot, and the pot needs to be stirred. There’s a cutting board, and more ingredients need to be chopped. The baby is in the highchair, crying. The dog is whining, wanting to go out. The doorbell rings. So much going on! But each one is predominant in one moment. They are seemingly all happening at once; where is my attention in this moment?

It may be that two things are really pulling me—the pot is boiling over and the baby is screaming. Well, the baby is screaming for a minute, that’s okay; but the pot can’t boil over or there could be a fire. So, I need to move the pot off the stove. Breathe, then turn to the baby. Comfort the baby, sit him back in the high chair and give him some sliced bananas or crackers to chew on while I finish preparing the meal. The dog is still whining… Breathe. Let the dog out. Come back and stir the pot. Smile at the baby. Give the baby a bit more to eat. Play with the baby for just a minute. Come back and stir the pot. Then go back to chopping my vegetables. Doorbell is ringing… stop and breathe, and again… and go and answer the door. Accept the package; put it down. Come back and stir the pot. Feed the baby. You get the feeling of this.

You can do this from a very centered, openhearted place. It doesn’t have to be panic. But mostly, when we have a lot going on, we panic. “I have to do everything!” And that prevents us from doing anything.

Let’s move this to meditation and many objects coming up at once. Hearing the baby crying. The dog jumping on you, nudging you and running to the door. Smelling the pot burning. We can only be with one object at once. What is predominant in our experience?

With the teaching called dependent origination we have a wonderful map. First, contact. One of the sense bases contacting an object. With contact, consciousness will arise, always. When there is contact, there will be consciousness. There will be almost immediately a feeling of the consciousness being of a pleasant, unpleasant, or neutral sensation. Can pleasant just be pleasant? Can unpleasant just be unpleasant? Can neutral just be neutral? But usually we’re habituated so that when there’s unpleasant, we contract. In other words, we rush through the next steps of dependent origination—after feeling comes perception and mental formation.

So, smelling, skunk, unpleasant, and immediate aversion. The mental formation of, “Get rid of this skunk!” In a different illustration, because we can’t do much about the skunk, smelling, unpleasant, something burning on the stove. Perception, burning. Can kindness simply move the pot off the stove and turn the burner off, or stir the pot? But more often, we move into a contracted state and fear, “Fix this!” Or something is pleasant and then grasping arises.

I treated myself yesterday, the first time in a month. I found out my favorite local Japanese restaurant has delivery. So I ordered a plate of sushi. Ooo, it was good! I love sushi. I haven’t had it in over a month, and it really suits my body so well. I was only half way through when the grasping started. “I want more! How am I going to get more?” So I stopped. I covered it up with Glad Wrap, put it back in the refrigerator, ate a bit of something else to finish my lunch. Watching the grasping at it. Breathing, relaxing.

And then I pulled it out again for dinner, after the dharma talk, a late dinner. Just a few pieces left. And again, grasping arose. There were only a half dozen pieces left—”I want more!” I asked myself to eat these pieces very slowly and mindfully, feeling gratitude for each piece. Really enjoying the raw fish and the flavor, the rice, the nori. Just, thank you, with each one. As soon as I relaxed into full presence with each one—and obviously I had a other things to eat with my dinner than just those 6 little bites of sushi—but as soon as I relaxed, experienced with full gratitude and presence each one, it was so much more nourishing. There was so much more joy in it. And it really was enough.

Can we be present when pleasant arises, and if the body then goes into contraction and grasping, to note grasping as grasping? That which is aware of grasping is not grasping. When it’s unpleasant, to note any jump that may happen—not necessarily happen, but it may happen—into aversion, “Get this away from me! Don’t want this!” Feelings of helplessness and anger. That which is aware of aversion is not feeling aversion. I cannot rest in that awareness out of avoidance, not dissociate with what has come up. The contraction of avoidance makes resting in awareness difficult! But I can move into that spacious awareness as a way of holding space for the self, who at one level is still experiencing anger and aversion. It doesn’t eliminate the aversion; it eliminates my strong self-identity with it, and thus, it changes the karma. There’s just the experience of aversion, like a knee-jerk; tap the knee and up it pops. Let it be. It will dissolve.

So instead of keeping the karma and the habitual tendency going, I begin to form a new relationship with that which is either strongly pleasant or strongly unpleasant. Neutral is the same thing. Usually when it’s a neutral experience there’s boredom and the mind wants something else, something to entertain it. Just watching that move into the mental formation, boredom. The feeling of neutral. And then, usually for me it’s a contracted energy—what else is there? Where else can I go? Ah, here is boredom. Breathing in, I am aware of the boredom. Wanting to be entertained. Maybe feeling an emptiness, not in a positive way but a yearning kind of emptiness. Pain, wanting something to fill and relieve that pain.

When we practice in this way, we start to really experience how objects arise into focus and then dissolve. That profound truth of the dharma: Everything is impermanent, arising out of conditions and passing away. And this is a vital phase for our practice.

We become deeply aware that it’s not arising out of a separate self. My mundane consciousness is one of the conditions for its arising. My karma is one of the conditions. But also, it’s simply arising out of a multitude of conditions and passing away, impermanent and not of the nature of a separate self. The lack of more sushi is not something happening to me to punish me, it’s simply, everything arises and passes away, including that delicious sushi. Mmm, big pieces of salmon on rice! I ordered sashimi, big pieces of fresh fish. Oh! Yearning, wanting. Impermanent, let it go.

Whatever has the nature to arise has the nature to cease and is not me or mine. This is a vital phase in practice, the deep experience and understanding of impermanence and what non-self means. It’s only when we understand this deeply that we can begin to create a different relationship to both the pleasant and the unpleasant that are arising into our experience. Then we can begin to see the spaciousness that’s there, right there with the sometimes very heavy objects—grief, anger, fear, desire. That which is aware of anger is not angry. That which is aware of desire is not desirous.

But we can’t try to push ourselves into that which is not anger, that which is not desirous, as an escape. We can learn to rest in it as the fruit of our practice. We become increasingly adept at seeing that spacious. This is that finger exercise. Instead of being so caught up in the objects, we start to see through, to see the vast spaciousness beyond.

We can’t force resting in that spaciousness, only invite the possibility of it. I know 3/4 or more of you and your practices, and most of you understand this, I know you do, this allowing and inviting of resting in spaciousness. Not grasping but inviting, willing to be present with it. Willing to look through the fingers to see the space.

So why are we so intent on the objects? We’re human and our focus for most of our lives has been on the objects and fixing the objects. It’s our way of living, of staying safe. Our practice really asks us to go someplace else, to develop connection with awareness of the spaciousness.

This is the path to access concentration that we spoke of yesterday, when we begin to see objects arising and passing away, sometimes pleasant, sometimes unpleasant, sometimes neutral, giving them our full attention without so much self-identification with them and letting them go.

If we were at Emerald Isle, I’d take you all out now and ask everybody to sit right at the water line. Waves coming in. Watch the wave. It’s big; from a distance it looks like it’s over your head. Then it breaks, slaps down on the sand in front of you, runs up the beach and touches your toes. And then it runs back into the ocean. Pause—just ocean, still, for just a moment, and then a new wave. Breaking, towering, white foam, slapping down on the beach, running up the beach and touching your toes again. Touching, touching. Rolling back out. Stillness. And then another wave.

But the tide is coming in. Breaking wave hitting the sand. And this one rolls all the way up to your waist—touching, touching—and then it rolls back. The next one just rolls up and touches your toes again. The one that reached your waist, it wasn’t unpleasant. It’s a warm day; the water is not too cold. It was just surprise. But can you feel the tension, “How high will the next one be? Will it knock me over?” Ahh, just get up and walk 10 feet further up the beach, sit down again. We move ourselves out of the way. In a very skillful way, we move ourselves out of the way of that which will overwhelm us.

Instead of an ocean wave, let’s picture that the wave is a wave of anger or of grief. I’ll use both examples; choose the one that’s most significant for you. You see the wave coming up. You want to barricade yourself against it. And then it breaks, and it just touches your toes, and you allow it to touch your toes. But then the next one is big, and it comes right up to your chest. There’s no way to move farther up the beach with this wave. Just be present and trust, “I have the capacity to experience this anger, this grief, this feeling of helplessness. I trust my human capacity to hold space for this and let it simply wash through me and back down the beach.”

If I hold onto it, this wave knocking me over—bang! grief, fear, helplessness—am I holding onto it? Or am I letting it wash past me and go? What do I get by holding onto it? Begin to reflect on that with the waves that feel too big. If it does feel too big—here, not talking about the sea but about these experiences of grief, fear, anger, helplessness—in what way can I, I need to say this carefully, in what way can I inch myself back up the beach? How do I create some spaciousness around fear, around anger, around grief?

What invites spaciousness? Maybe working with metta. Chanting, chanting the Brahma Viharas—metta, karuna, mudita, upekkha…. and so on. What helps? Maybe just going out and taking a walk will help allow spaciousness. Maybe eating sushi! Or taking a nap. What helps invite more spaciousness? What offers kindness to yourself?

I think it’s important to remember that it’s okay to step back from these heavy emotions. You don’t have to pull out a sword and fight with them. The work is more to make peace with them, not to fight with them. How can you do that best? Experiment. What works?

We have a few minutes. I’d like to try something with you. I’d like everybody to hold up one arm. Present in the body. Feeling, feeling that arm. It’s a physical sensation of the arm up in the air. Probably for most of you, no discomfort. If it does create pain, it’s okay not to raise your arm, or just to raise it a little bit. Contact. Experience of the arm raised. Feel any tension in the shoulder. It’s probably relatively neutral, not painful. (pause)

Is the arm starting to get heavy? Can you feel increasing tension, feel it moving from neutral to unpleasant? First the predominant object was the muscles and tendons of the arm, but now, what’s predominant might be unpleasant sensation. Nod if you’re feeling some unpleasant sensation. Is it just unpleasant, or is it moving into strong aversion? Be aware of the point where it moves into strong aversion. (I have an injured shoulder so I have to put my arm down.) Be aware of that shift from unpleasant to aversion. (pause) Can you feel that?

Breathing in, I am aware of the aversion. Breathing out, I hold space for the aversion. This is not disassociation; this is just a holding space. And then, lower the arm and rest it. Ahhh… can you feel the relief? Pleasant, pleasant.

In your vipassana practice I’d ask you to watch this whole process, resting in whatever is the primary object—the breath, nada, luminosity, energy, spaciousness—and then something becomes predominant. Let’s use that old fly buzzing around your head. It’s just a little buzz. But gradually, there’s a sense of unpleasantness. You can feel the tension. Be aware of the experience of tension in the body. This is the experience of this body experiencing unpleasant sensation.

Who is experiencing unpleasantness? Is there somebody there? Just this whole set of physical, mental, emotional, aggregates experiencing this. Just unpleasant sensation. Then watch. The fly is still buzzing; it’s been joined by a second fly, a third fly. Watch the aversion come up. Tension. Breathing in, I am aware of aversion. Right there with aversion, can you find spaciousness? Try this now. Can you feel the spaciousness that’s truly right there with aversion, that can smile at this small ego self getting all riled up about a fly! Smile with compassion, not judgment. This poor self wants peace, and there are flies buzzing around. Ah, life is hard! Can you feel the heart opening? Can you feel the armor dissolving? As you move into that spaciousness, then come back to the primary object.

As we develop the ability to watch this kind of movement, to see objects arising and as pleasant or unpleasant feeling comes, gradually feelings don’t harden into aversion or grasping, they’re just pleasant or unpleasant, arising and passing away. And it’s at this point that access concentration truly opens.

Just a few words about access concentration. Mundane consciousness takes mundane objects. The Unconditioned and the expressions of the Unconditioned are supramundane objects. Mundane consciousness cannot experience the Unconditioned, it can’t really experience nada or this kind of spaciousness, or luminosity.

(smiling) I’m sorry—I’m being distracted. Hal must be sleeping. Outside my window, his caregiver, it looks like they’re cleaning out my little garden pond and carrying piles of leaves out and running the hose. They’re going back and forth beyond my screen! Distracting, distracting. Gratitude for what they’re doing. Feeling the contraction in me. Ahh… Thank you for cleaning the pond. Ahh…. opening. Not moving into strong negativity, strong aversion, or grasping either.

As access concentration opens, it’s called access concentration literally because here is where we have access to the citta, the consciousness, that can perceive the Unconditioned. So, it’s literally access to the Unconditioned, the supramundane citta opening. Then we start to rest in a vast spaciousness and joy. It doesn’t mean there’s going to be a profound experience of the Unconditioned, although that can happen. But it’s the doorway into these deeper experiences. And we’re not grasping at these deeper experiences, but we invite them, we’re open to them. It helps us to get out of the small self that’s constantly trying to control and fix. So, this is a beautiful and very pleasant flow of practice.

Okay, I see it’s 11:55am. Just let me ask very quickly, are there any questions specifically about the instructions?

Q: When access concentration opens to supramundane citta, are we using the akashic field?

Barbara: We don’t use the akashic field, we simply open—citta becomes aware of the akashic field. The akashic field is an object. So, we’re not aware of the akashic field from mundane citta. Supramundane citta can experience the akashic field.

Q: Can you explain access concentration versus pure awareness?

Barbara: Pure awareness is citta, access concentration is citta, but they’re different. Pure awareness is much more spacious. Access concentration is a bit more, well, it’s spacious too. Let’s take this at another time. It needs more time than we have now.

Q: I understand access concentration can happen when there is no rejection or grasping.

Barbara: Correct. It’s always there. It’s simply, we don’t allow ourselves to experience it because we’re so focused on the small ego self, that’s constantly doing and pushing away and grasping. Just relaxing, and access concentration is there. Almost like the optical illusions where you’re supposed to see the face and the edge of the vase, and you look and you look and you can’t see it, and suddenly there it is. It’s always been there.

Q: It means we can go from the small self to the higher self.

Barbara: Yes, but I wouldn’t phrase it that way, because we’re constantly there with the higher self, but we don’t experience the higher self when we’re locked into the small self. When we open to the higher self, the small self is still there. We’re simply not self-identified with it; we see it as a mundane object, a useful tool to our daily life. We need the small self to take out the garbage, to stir the soup pot, to know when the pot is burning. It’s a useful tool.

It’s 12:00, we need to end.