Why Am I Here?; Learning to Co-Create: Aaron’s Past Life Story Shipwrecked on an Island; Working with Boundaries

April 11, 2021 Sunday Evening, Emerald Isle Retreat

Why Am I Here?; Learning to Co-Create: Aaron’s Past Life Story Shipwrecked on an Island; Working with Boundaries

Aaron: My blessings and love to you all. I am Aaron. I hope you’ve had a good first day of retreat. It’s very enjoyable to see you in your own homes. I love seeing you live at retreat, but I find it very interesting to see each of you in your own environment.

The energy from your homes almost entirely surrounds you, supporting you. There is one intriguing picture here of green trees and energy flitting in and out. It’s Q… Q, I’m uncertain where you are, but you keep trying to incorporate into the midst of a grove of trees!

To all; who are you, and why are you here? We’ve talked about this countless times, and I hope as you mature you have more clarity about the answer.

Years ago, I used to get the answer from you, “I am here to wake up.” Well, fine—why do you want to wake up? Have you had a nice long rest? Are you getting bored of being asleep? Do you wish to wake up to end not only your own personal suffering but that of the world, really that of the universe? Do you wish to wake up in service to all beings? These are important questions to raise for yourself.

Once you have a clear understanding of why you are here and what you came to do, then you can begin to investigate how best to accomplish that. And ‘accomplish’ may be too strong a word, too much doing; how to flow into where you have aspired to be and really always have been. Because at the deepest level, you always have been awake; it’s just that this human poses as somebody who is asleep. The essence of you is awake and always has been.

So, we might say that the human is trying to remember who it is, who it always has been, and how to more fully express that in this heavy density world.

You looked at the waves today. Are you the form aggregate? Are you the wave? Are you the mental aggregate? Are you the feeling aggregate? The impulse aggregate? Consciousness itself? These all express through you. Is there anything in those aggregates of which you can say, “This is my essence.”?

As you hold the intention to become more fully awake, it’s important to stay attuned to that in yourself that is already awake. That way, there’s not unbalanced effort—grasping, pushing and pulling.

Who is already awake? What within you is awake? Where did you get the notion that you are not awake?

It’s hard to stay clear in this heavy density mind and body. Some of you are more awake when you’re asleep, because that part of you that is over-efforting dozes a bit and you connect more to your true heart, your true wisdom.

It does take effort to walk a spiritual path. You can’t just show up and say, “There is nothing to do.” But if you forget you’re already awake, you start to grasp, and that takes you further away from freedom.

What is skillful effort? It’s balanced. You can’t say nothing matters; you can’t grasp. What is the balance point between the two? Those of you who are competent roller skaters, ice skaters or cross-country skiers, know you can not do those activities with one leg. One leg supports the weight and rests a bit while the other pushes. Then the weight is transferred. You glide on the first leg while the second leg pushes, back and forth, gliding, working. There’s an ease to it, and a trust that each leg can do its work in correlation with the other, engaged with the other. Each leg knows how to glide and how to push.

So often at the beginning of retreat I see both legs trying to push. If you only try to glide, you won’t get anywhere. If both legs try to push, you won’t get anywhere. This balance is what is required.

I want to share a story of a past life of mine in which I was shipwrecked. ‘Ship’ is not the best term, because my boat was a small hand-built sailing craft.

I was a fisherman. I could go off for a day or a week, had ample water in my boat and basic supplies. I navigated by the stars. I always knew where I was, unless it was cloudy and rainy, and I also knew that eventually the clouds would pass, the stars would come out, and I would know where I was again. So, I didn’t worry much about non-existent compasses and other such tools.

I could always catch fish to eat. I was in no danger of starving anywhere. I carried a small bit of water, enough for several days. I would never be further than several days from land, where I could get fresh water. If it was clear, I would be able to find land easily, navigating by the stars. If it was not clear, it would probably be raining—again, plenty of water.

My life was quite relaxed. I would go out for a few days, bring home a cargo of fish, bring them back to my village, rest for a day or two at home, and go back out again. I loved my life. I had a wife and children, parents, siblings, friends. There was always joy, singing and dancing. Life was good.

Then I was caught in a severe storm and blown for 4 or 5 days, completely off course. My mast broke. My rudder ripped off the ship. Once the storm passed, I had just a paddle with which to propel myself.

I came to an island, was able to make shore on the island in what was the very broken remains of my boat. It was a small island; I walked all the way around it. There was one good sized hill in the middle. It was rocky along one shore, more sand and some coves on the other shore. A few small caves nestled in the rocks of the hill. There were a few small animals and a somewhat brackish pond. I suppose between rainstorms that’s where the animals came to drink. But there was enough rain, not really ever a dry season, so that small galleys and hollow would fill with water between rains.

I was heartbroken. I did not know how I would get home. I was able to read my location from the stars and saw how far off my course I had been blown. It would not have been a problem, if I’d had a proper vessel, but my boat was broken beyond much further use. I had nothing to use for a sail. So, I knew how to navigate my way home, but I did not have a boat to bring me home.

I was far enough off course that it was unlikely anyone would come looking for me there. Interestingly, while I loved fishing and I loved my family, I was grateful for the time that I had. All my life I had wanted to be more of a spiritual man, perhaps to be a shaman and connect with the various energies of the earth, of plants, of the animals. To have more quiet time, which time was mostly denied me as the father of a large family.

So here I was, on this truly idyllic island. Me, a fisherman—a very competent fisherman—and an abundance of fish. Adequate water, adequate shelter. Why would I wish for anything else? But I was heartbroken. I wanted my home; I wanted my family. I wanted my old life back.

Weeks passed and turned into months. I learned all the different plants of my new island, what were good for medicinal purposes, for example; which ones could be cooked and added to fish to create a tasty meal. Herbs that added flavor.

For the first year, I was very focused on “I want to go home.” But gradually, I relaxed and began to find real joy in my day-to-day existence.

I cleaned up the inside of the cave, added matting to the floor to make a comfortable place to lie down at night, a shelter. I created a good cooking area. I found coconut palms. After eating the inner fruit, had the shells; created a working set of eating utensils and food preparation utensils. I found spiny thorns of cactus and from fish and turned them into sewing needles. I found vines that I could use as thread to sew myself something to keep me warm and protected from the sun, and immense leaves thick enough to give some protection, .

My life settled down. There was no longer grasping. Sometimes yes, I missed my family, I felt sad. But there was no longer grasping, “I must go home! I must go home!” Increasingly I experienced gratitude for this gift of solitude I had been given. I spent many hours a day in meditation and reflection. I learned much better how to co-create with my environment and with love for that environment. There was gratitude for each living part of the environment, animate and inanimate.

The thought began to open, no longer, “I want to home! I must go home!” but, “For now I am here, and I am grateful. I hold in my heart to see my family again. I know that one day I will see my family again. What can I bring back to my family when I eventually see them? What gifts will I have gathered here to bring to them?” And so, I gained deep knowledge of the plants, not too different from those of my home island. Deep knowledge of how to grow things; different cooking skills; a strong body; deep spiritual awareness.

One day some years later I saw that I had a very different approach to my life—enormous gratitude for all I was learning. I became, as Barbara, a clear medium. Became attuned to the spirit world. I learned to hold my breath for long periods of time in the water, not only to catch fish but literally to swim with the fish, to become a fish in everything but outer form. I could not breathe like a fish, but I could stay underwater for 3 or 4 minutes and swim with the schools of fish and attune myself to how they moved.

And it made me a much better fisherman. I no longer frightened the fish. When I needed to eat, I could easily take my small—I don’t know what to call it, a stick with a point of a giant thorn attached—I could take it and swim with it and just catch one fish, thank it, bring it back to shore, and the fish just continued to swim around me with no fear. I would ask, “Which fish wants to come home to feed me? I thank you, my brothers and sisters.” And always, one fish would hang back from the school of fish, almost come toward me, saying, “Here I am.”

I would ask on the land, “Which coconut wishes to feed me tonight?” “Which seaweed wishes to come and join my soup pot?” Life became a flow of joy, of giving and receiving.

My thoughts no longer ran back to my home with any sense of incompleteness but increasingly with a sense of the gifts, and a trust, “When the time is right, I will come home.”

And then the time was right. I was able to—you don’t need the details—but I was able to find my way back home, in a dugout canoe that nature and I had crafted.. But it was through easy invitation, not grasping.

So how does this relate to you?

Some of you are still grasping at going home. Some of you are asking, “Why am I here, on this heavy density earth?” and fighting against presence here Some of you are fighting against yourselves, saying, “I should be wiser, more capable. I should know why I am here more fully. I should be able to manifest it more easily.”

My dear sisters and brothers, I am asking you to relax. You are already home. You have become shipwrecked on this heavy density earth. You have wondered why you are here. But you did not have an accident or storm that led you here; you came here through your own free will choice.

There was a cry sent out—that song you’re so fond of.

I, the Lord of sea and sky,

I have heard my people cry.

All who live in dark and pain

My hand will save.

I, who made the stars of night

I will make their darkness bright.

Who will bring my love to them?

Who shall I send?

Here I am, Lord.

Is it I, Lord?
I have heard you calling in the night.

I will go, Lord,

If you lead me.

I will hold your people in my heart.

There are more verses; you can look them up. They’re all beautiful.

You did not need to become shipwrecked. Rather, you said, “Here I am. I will come to this strange, heavy density planet. I will learn first the survival skills I will need. And then I will remember more fully how to love, how to manifest and co-create. How to help this earth, and all beings upon this earth, find true freedom from suffering. I will go.”

Now you sit here saying, “But I want to go home! I want to go home! It’s not fair!” Nobody ever spoke of your choices as fair. Nobody every promised you that. Only, you co-created this as an opportunity. Could there be just a little bit of gratitude for the opportunity you have here on this heavy density earth, to transform yourself and others and the earth itself, to raise everything into a higher vibration of love? Could you try it?

The first place your vipassana practice can take you is deeper aware of grasping and of fear, of anger or sadness. “Not fair! I didn’t want to be here!” You got on the ship willingly, figuratively speaking. You’re all accomplished sailors. You were not shipwrecked. This is a stop on the long journey that leads you back home. And yet, you are already home.

There will be places after this heavy density planet, certainly there will. But right now, you are in the perfect place to learn what you came to learn, and you don’t have to endure starvation or any of the things that I endured those first few years on my island.

Most important, you don’t have to endure isolation, because love is always with you. So, settle down, my friends, and begin to gain deeper clarity: What have I come to co-create? Can you envision it, this beautiful high vibrational Eden, this land of peace and plenty? If every sentient being can learn to cherish every other sentient being; and there’s no reason why you cannot learn that, learn it and teach it. Remember how to live in joy; how to live in deepest appreciation for all that is given, including the challenges. “Thank you, teacher. Thank you, teacher,” to each challenge.

You have been given some very profound challenges this past year, in the name of pandemic, a virus that attacks human life. It doesn’t mean to attack. It is a very low intelligence kind of organism. It simply wants to support itself, to sustain itself.

As with most things, if you fight back hard, it will fight back harder. When you relax and talk to it, let it know, “If you destroy your host, you will die out. We must find a way to co-live together on this earth.” And also, discover that the most powerful vaccination against Covid-19 is high vibration. Fear, hatred, and anger feed it, because they pull your body into contraction. When your body is thusly contracted, energy cannot flow well. The virus gets stuck, stored into the body itself. It can’t be thrown off as easily. But a high vibration allows the energy to flow, and the virus can’t get anything to stick to. Maybe a little; I’m not saying you won’t get sick at all. But the higher your vibration, the lower the range of illness.

This is not only to help you learn how to survive a virus, but this is basic for your human experience. When you learn how to greet that that seems to thrust itself on you, without your belief that it means to destroy you; when you learn how to greet it calmly and spaciously as a teacher, and to say a very clear, “No, you may not kill us, no,” without contracting, it will not destroy you, as an individual or as a world.

Now, let’s take this a step further. How do you react to people you view as an enemy? Usually, you contract. “They’re out to destroy me. I’ll destroy them first.” Contracted, rather than what is necessary in your ever-shrinking world: “I hear you. You may not harm me, and I will not harm you. Let us learn how to listen to one another, whether you be a being from another country or a virus, or whatever else you may be.”

How do you address the destruction of the environment? By saying no, and also by strengthening the plants, the rivers, and everything, strengthening it with energy and with love.

You are engaged, really all of you, in learning how to co-create through love. This brings us back to your meditation practice. The flow of this week is really one of learning to co-create the remembering of the awakened heart-mind through love, not grasping. Co-creation with joy. And you can do this; you do have the ability to do this. Truly, this is why you came into this incarnation.

What does this have to do with your vipassana and pure awareness practice? Vipassana, as Barbara and John spoke today, involves being present in each moment, knowing what is arising in that moment. Knowing tension and spaciousness. Knowing pain and absence of pain. Knowing ease. Knowing the opening of the loving heart. Knowing the flexing and the opening, the flexing and the opening. Knowing it all.

Pure awareness allows you to rest in things as they are, to experience directly any areas of distortion, any places where contraction builds up. To just say, “Thank you, teacher,” and let it go, again and again.

I could say that you are each on your own island, learning that everything you need, not only to survive but to flourish and awaken, is here on this island with you, everything. And the beauty of it is, while each of you is on your own island, they overlap completely.

There’s a beautiful song, “No man is an island…” One of you spoke about loving that song at a recent retreat or gathering. Barbara cannot carry the tune, but,

No man is an island.

No man stands alone.

Each man’s joy is joy to me.

Each man’s grief is my own.

We need one another

So I will defend

Each man as my brother

Each man as my friend.

I saw the people gather,

I heard the music start.

The song that they were singing

Is ringing in my heart.

We need one another

So I will defend

Each man as my brother

Each man as my friend.

Google it. I think you’ll be able to find a good singing of it.

[Here is one: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ycbrO9XSDwY]

You are all my brothers, my sisters, my friends, and I cherish you. I applaud the courage that has brought you into incarnation again and again; to find yourself seemingly shipwrecked on an island, and to learn how you’ve never been shipwrecked. You can remember how to co-create, so that every sentient being may become free of suffering and this world blossom into a ground of love.

Thank you. I am open to questions.

Q: (beginning of question not recorded) …I should be able to work with this so that it will dissipate. I guess I just want to have some guidance around what’s appropriate. I feel like because of my past conditioning, I don’t even really know what an appropriate response is, sometimes, because the reaction is so strong. I hope that makes sense. I don’t know how else to articulate it.

Aaron: It makes sense. I thank you for your question. Let’s look at this several ways.

First, anger came up. It was unpleasant. There was some belief that you should be past this anger, that you should not be angry. But, if you had cut your finger, would you say, “I should not bleed. I should be more awakened than that.”? If you’re going to bleed, you’re going to bleed. If the conditions are present to arouse anger, anger will arise. If the conditions are present for feeling shame for that anger, that shame will arise.

Taking this back to your vipassana practice and knowing, “Anger has arisen in this mind and body, feeling my boundaries have been violated.” It doesn’t matter whether it’s realistic; this is the feeling. This has arisen. Can there be compassion for this human who is experiencing this?

Then the next step will not be spiritual bypassing, but truly opening to whatever is present. Not asking, is it logical? Is it good or bad? Simply, this has arisen. How do I take care of this energy that has arisen?

Once you come to a place of more centeredness around it, you may still not know why the feeling of violation of boundaries upset you so much, but the stories stop. No, “He’s bad,” or “I’m bad.” Just, “This arose, and it’s uncomfortable.”

Finally, you may be at a point where you can call him and say, “I see you mowed my meadow,” or whatever. “I wonder what brought you to mow it; did you have a specific reason for mowing it?” And then the neighbor might say, “I thought that it would be helpful to you. I was out with my mower and I really wanted to do something as a favor to you, to take care of you.” Maybe that’s what he would have said. Or maybe he would have said, “Weeds were beginning to grow, and I didn’t want them to blow into my property.” Who knows what he would have said?

At least you would know why it was being mowed, and then you could take it back—no answer, right away, just, “I see. Thank you for mowing it. Let me digest this and we’ll talk a bit more about it,” and end the conversation.

Were you in some way violating his boundaries, with weeds growing on your property? I know it’s your property, but they’re going to blow in the air. Was he or she truly trying to be of service to you, and your heart closed to that service? Communication. So, this is another step.

Then, finally, knowing your free will right to communicate your preference. Calling him back in a day or two, with either, “Thank you for mowing to control the weeds so they don’t damage you,” or, “Please do not mow any further.” Whatever feels appropriate to you, with a willingness to discuss it. But here you’re doing it as two openhearted beings making the attempt to communicate. You’re not being driven by some deep habitual pattern or any idea of violation of boundaries.

In your meditation, you can ask yourself, “In what ways do I feel my boundaries are violated, in my life? In what ways do I feel I am powerless to avoid such violation?” Then perhaps you can come back to this incident and say, “Thank you for bringing this to my attention.” Gratitude, the deep breath of gratitude. “Thank you for bringing this feeling of violation to my attention so I may explore it further, both in this incident and throughout my life, so I may find my power to say no when I feel my boundaries are violated. So, I may watch myself in any cases where I violate another person’s boundaries. So, I might trust my ability to experience joy and sorrow, anger and gratitude, whatever may come, without trying to second guess myself as ‘This is good; this is bad.’ Simply, ‘This has arisen. I will be present with it. Thank you, teacher.'”

So, I hope that gives you some ideas as to how you might approach this.

It’s 8:40pm. I think we should stop here, leaving us 20 minutes for a final sitting.

Let us just end the talk here with my one question to you: Right now, in this moment as you begin to sit, for what are you grateful?

Second question: To what do I aspire? What do I wish to invite in this week? Not grasping at it, just, “Here I am. I am open to it.” Inviting, open.

Please take this into your practice this evening and into the morning.

I’ll release the body to Barbara…